Why did I start writing about dating and relationships?

In addition to my work with AARP Publications, I am the author of two books and numerous articles on dating/relationships as well as a regular columnist for MSN.com and Match.com. In fact, I have been a columnist for Match and MSN going six years this coming January, and written about dating and relationships since 2001. I write about couples at all stages from pre meeting to post wedding, and I cover all types of couples that Match asks me to cover: men, women, straight, gay, faith-based, young, old, those starting out, those who are becoming old pros, and those reentering the scene after years.

I fell into it quite by accident. I was writing about pop culture and entertainment occasionally when I took a detour and started chronicling stories of dating and relationships in my circle of friends and family. I wrote a few columns for newspapers and magazines they were popular enough to start me on a road that I continue to find fascinating. A wise man once said, “You teach what you need to learn.” I guess that’s what drives me to continue learning and then sharing what I find out. The truth is that people of all ages spend a lot of time – and invest so much of their energy and themselves – in their dating and relationship lives. We think about these things a lot, regardless of whether we talk about to others all the time. Of course, if you have your equivalent of the Sex and the City girls – or the Entourage boys – then maybe you get to vent and analyze and learn. Or maybe you are reading about these things – and practicing trial and error. Not only do I have my own experiences dating online, I have interviewed hundreds of men and women to bring their stories to life. I have read lots of books on the topic, ranging from experts like Dr. Helen Fisher (who focuses a lot on attraction and chemistry – the science of love really. She’s researched the chemicals reactions that happen in our heads when we are attracted to someone. Now if we could either bottle or control those better, we’d all be in better shape) to John Gottman (who’s focused his work on marital stability and relationship analysis through scientific direct observations. who observes created the four horseman of the relationship apocalypse – which is a great way to look at longer term relationships) to more current and pop culture dating and relationship gurus such as the “He’s Just Not That Into You” duo, who coined a phrase that helped women stop obsessing on male behavior.

Why did I write this book?

Imagine living in a gay urban version of the film "Groundhog Day," where every day you wake up and hear your gay friends talking about the same thing: dating issues! I remember having coffee one Saturday morning with a couple of friends, listening to their dating exploits and thinking: how is it that smart, attractive men aren't learning from each other and improving their dating lives?

Here we are in the Internet age, where life and love are supposed to be expedited, and yet gay men are living in the dark ages when it comes to dating. With all the new options such as Internet and speed dating, what has changed? Not much! Gay men are spending more time dating and, apparently, experiencing results that are less than stellar.

There are hundreds of books and articles on rules for straight people, but where are the rules for us? And how do they differ from the straight rules?

What would Ann Landers say to these men if she were younger (hell, if she were alive)? What if she was gay and could relate to their tales of dating woe? Even better. I have to say I loved Ann Landers growing up (we only disagreed once, and that time, she recanted) and I give great advice.

I wrote down some of the funny and true stories, started some serious gay dating research, and came up with The Mandates. It seems to me that all the books on the topic are either dreary psychobabble or totally silly. People learn and relate through humor, but there's got to be some substance there. The more I talked to gay men about their dating experiences, the more I realized I had struck a chord.

Is dating easier for gay men now?

Despite the increasing numbers of single, "out" gay men and more ways for us to meet each other, are gay guys having better dating experiences? From what I see and hear, I'd have to say no. The last few years have brought us a ton of dating rules for straight women. But what about for gay men? We have different rituals and goals than straights. Isn't it time we focused on our own dating rules to improve our dating lives?