author, msn/match.com columnist  Books     Behind Every Great Woman : Reviews | The Mandates : Reviews | Q&A | Awards & Honors          Behind Every Great Woman - Table of Contents: Introduction: Why Every Girl Needs a Gay Boyfriend Part One: Dating, Men and Relationships 1. The Repetitive, Fatal Dating Flaw That's Ruining Your Love Life Not again! Stop crying on my shoulder and let's pinpoint the problem. 2. You're Not Going to Meet an Eligible, Straight Man at Cooking Class Where the boys are! 3. Are You Wasting Your Time and Perfume? Five ways to tell if your hot prospect plays for your team. 4. Secret, Dead-End Affairs: You're Only Allowed One. I hate hanging notes on your bathroom mirror reminding you that he's never, ever going to call back! 5. Live Report from the Locker Room Gay men who share gyms with straight men answer those questions you've been dying to ask. 6. Do You Suffer from Male Pattern Dysfunction? How to break the cycle before you wind up married to your father's worst traits. 7. Keeping Your Romantic Pipeline Full of Men Keep throwing them against the wall until one of them sticks, and other methods. 8. Investigating a New Man Ms. Sherlock and her gay Watson offer simple yet effective ways to find out what you need to know…before you get too involved. 9. Stalking Behavior Sending him a long email when he doesn't call you immediately after the second date, and other behaviors that require my intervention. 10. Getting Over a Breakup is Hard to Do You're great, he's headed to ugly-old-man land and she's nothing but a gold-digging witch! 11. So You're 39, Want Marriage and Babies, and Have No Immediate Prospects? Let's start working on the alternatives; they might be better than you think. 12. The 10 Things Only Your Gay Best Friend Needs to Know When to ask but not tell all with a boyfriend-and where never to go with him. Part Two: Style, Straight Talk, and Self-Esteem 13. Bargain Shopping is a Game-Play to Win! 10 tips for making affordably stylish purchases, whether you shop Versace or Target. 14. Plastic Surgery: Boobs, Nose, or Nada? Single, searching for love and contemplating a physical tweak? Some advice about making semi-permanent changes. 15. Awakening the Interior Designer Within Don't follow your mother off the home decoration cliff! 16. Do You Dress to Impress Men…or Women? Strategies for both. 17. Forget the Five Pounds You've Been Trying to Lose for 10 Years Hint: It's not what's standing between you and the life of your dreams! 18. Annie, Get Your Power Drill! Why you should access your inner lesbian and make those repairs yourself, plus tips on achieving gay style without emptying that Fendi purse. 19. How to Use Your Sex Appeal at Work Why Ally McBeal is so Ally McOver-and wearing a short skirt at the office doesn't make you a post-feminist pariah. 20. You're Married…But Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Like mother, like daughter, like hell! Once you're married, how to spot the signs you're becoming mom before it's too late. 21. The Gay Man's Workout for Straight Women Lift weights now, avoid dangling arm flesh later, and other tips from the boys who watch you do girly aerobics at the gym. 22. Being Spontaneous Does Not Apply to Your Hair! Why you must stop getting drastic, funky hairstyles after a bad day (or before an awards show). 23. Are They Really Talking Behind Your Back? How a gay man can tell friend from foe. 24. Do You Look Fat in that Outfit? Could the answer be yes? It's not you, it's the clothes! If your goal is "camouflage dressing," you may not be as undercover as you think. 25. How to Throw a Dinner Party to Placate Your Gay Friends and Totally Dazzle Your Straight Ones Tips from the gay men who keep America's tables stylish and cutting edge. Conclusion: Adjusting to Life With Marriage, Babies, Lovers and Long Distance Epilogue Read an Excerpt | Order Reviews of Behind Every Great Woman "Hilarious and hard-hitting... With humor, tact and compassion, he proposes ways to overcome the more stultifying aspects of women’s hardwiring...A quick read with good advice and succinctly coined phrases for every modern dating situation, this book is plain fun." - Publisher's Weekly Read more The Mandates How do you win the dating game if you're a gay man? After many years of serial monogamy, Dave Singleton went to the front lines to find out, exploring the lives of other gay m en who found themselves on the dating fast track with guys they'd met from work, at the gym or bars, and, increasingly, on the Internet. Thus, the Mandates was born-a laugh-out-loud but completely true set of rules about the making (or breaking) of men's romantic relationships. For example: Mandate #5: Eager Beavers Gnaw Quickly Then Drown. Mandate #8: Everything You Need to Know, You Learn in the First Five Minutes Mandate #12: The Difference Between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now-Learn It! Mandate #10: He Opened His Mouth And His Purse Fell Out (Or: Everything You Need To Know You Can Know In The First 5 Minutes) Mandate #13: Things You Should Never, Ever Say Out Loud in the First Six Months of Dating Mandate #24: Be Your Own "Judge Judy" With Relationship Mistakes: Evaluating Heinous Vs. Forgivable Sins. The Mandates is like having a gay best friend and advisor with you at all times to help you chart a safe and fun journey through the exciting but sometimes rough waters of gay dating. Gay men will relate to the stories in the book, laugh and learn. It's written in a funny, accessible tone. I am no psychiatrist. I am just a guy who's been on a lot of dates, some good and some not so good. I've talked to hundreds of men about their dating lives. I share what I've learned about avoiding typical dating pitfalls, weeding out losers earlier and making the process of dating better. The Mandates doesn't say there's one set goal for gay dating. There are several worthy goals, from finding the right guy to spend time with, to a full-blown rainbow gay wedding in Hawaii. This book helps gay men clarify and reach their goals with practical advice and humor. Plus, excellent advice on "The Who, What, Where and How of Meeting a Guy," "Marking the Milestones of Gay Dating," and, "A Primer of Dating Do's and Don'ts." At long last, here is a hilarious, definitive gay man's guide to finding Mr. Right. Table of Contents Introduction I: The 25 Mandates for Gay Men 1. Let Your Eyes Say Everything Your Mouth Shouldn't (Following The Rules Of Body Language). 2. Always Get the Card-Don't Give the Card (Or: At Least Control Freaks Don't Sit By The Phone Waiting). 3. Tell Your Friends When To Shut Their Mouths For Your Own Good. 4. The "Hurry Up But Hold Back Factor"-Men Want What They Want When They Want It, Don't We? 5. Eager Beavers Gnaw Quickly Then Drown. 6. Arranging Your CD Selection for That First Date (Or: Limiting the "Liza" Factor). 7. Avoiding Matron Medicine Chest Syndrome. 8. Keeping the Mister in Mystery. 9. Ask And Ye Shall Hear! 10. He Opened His Mouth And His Purse Fell Out (Or: Everything You Need To Know You Can Know In The First 5 Minutes). 11. No One Ever "Learned To Love" Anyone, Ever...Move On! 12. The Difference Between Mr. Right And Mr. Right Now-Learn It! 13. Things You Should Never, Ever, For Any Reason Say Out Loud To Another Living Soul In The 1st 6 Months Of Dating. 14. Hit On Someone Your Own Size (And Double Your Wardrobe). 15. Meeting His Friends-The Ultimate Corporate Merger. 16. When Male Egos Collide-Mr. Titanic, Meet Mr. Iceberg. 17. The M Word. Madonna? Marriage? Hell, No. Monogamy! 18. Have The Following Suddenly Appeared In Your Apartment? An Extra Toothbrush, A Spare Contact Lens Case And At Least Two Articles Of His Clothing? Congratulations! You Have A Boyfriend. 19. Ax Out The Word "Ex" From Your Vocabulary Now. 20. Inter-Galactic Instructions On Conquering Cyberspace (Avoid The "Darth Vaders" Who Lurk In Chat Rooms And Find Your Own Luke Skywalker). 21. Rule # 1 From The Kennel Applies To Dating: Give Rope And Space But Never Let The Dog Have The Run Of The Yard. 22. Be True To Your Own Standards (And If You Don't Have Any, Get Some). 23. Don't Try To Be Ozzie And Harriet-Even Ozzie And Harriet Weren't Ozzie And Harriet And They Were Straight. 24. Be Your Own "Judge Judy" With Relationship Mistakes: Evaluating Heinous Vs. Forgivable Sins. 25. The Final Mandate-Integrate, Integrate before It's Too Late! II: A Gay Dating Primer: Do's And Don'ts III: The "Who, What, Where and How" Of Meeting A Guy: Who you meet him through gives you a preview of what he'll be like. What kinds of guys are out there? From "Boy Next Door" to "Billy the Gay Clone" doll-type your heart out and find out what type he is. Where you meet him-tips and strategies for maximizing your potential based on the different places you can meet men How to market yourself in an online world-tips for creating a strong profile that will attract the guys you want IV: Marking the Milestones of Gay Dating V:Testing Your Understanding of the 25 Mandates: 20 Questions to Evaluate Where You Fall On the Dating Scale, From Cowering To Conquering. VI: Competition! Managing the Inevitable Devil VII: The 25 Mandates: Role Models and Spiritual Advisors VIII: 20 Great Things about Not Dating Someone of the Opposite Sex IX: Male Partnership -Are You Ready? The Final Frontier beyond the 25 Mandates Read an Excerpt | Order Reviews of The Mandates "You'll love the clever prose, amusing anecdotes and recognizing you and your friends in these all-too-familiar scenarios." - The Washington Post "Intermingling true stories and sound advice, the author pulls together a fun and forthright guidebook for any man diving into the deep end of the gay dating pool." - Southern Voice "The Bible for the single gay guy." - Gay Wired "Readers will appreciate the author's breezy but knowledgeable take on gay dating." - Publisher's Weekly Read more reviews Mandates - Q&A Why did I write this book? Imagine living in a gay urban version of the film "Groundhog Day," where every day you wake up and hear your gay friends talking about the same thing: dating issues! I remember having coffee one Saturday morning with a couple of friends, listening to their dating exploits and thinking: how is it that smart, attractive men aren't learning from each other and improving their dating lives? Here we are in the Internet age, where life and love are supposed to be expedited, and yet gay men are living in the dark ages when it comes to dating. With all the new options such as Internet and speed dating, what has changed? Not much! Gay men are spending more time dating and, apparently, experiencing results that are less than stellar. There are hundreds of books and articles on rules for straight people, but where are the rules for us? And how do they differ from the straight rules? What would Ann Landers say to these men if she were younger (hell, if she were alive)? What if she was gay and could relate to their tales of dating woe? Even better. I have to say I loved Ann Landers growing up (we only disagreed once, and that time, she recanted) and I give great advice. I wrote down some of the funny and true stories, started some serious gay dating research, and came up with The Mandates. It seems to me that all the books on the topic are either dreary psychobabble or totally silly. People learn and relate through humor, but there's got to be some substance there. The more I talked to gay men about their dating experiences, the more I realized I had struck a chord. Is dating easier for gay men now? Despite the increasing numbers of single, "out" gay men and more ways for us to meet each other, are gay guys having better dating experiences? From what I see and hear, I'd have to say no. The last few years have brought us a ton of dating rules for straight women. But what about for gay men? We have different rituals and goals than straights. Isn't it time we focused on our own dating rules to improve our dating lives? Awards and honors In 1989, I was awarded the The Jacques Cousteau Society "Discovery Award" for finding then dating the most self-absorbed gay swimmer on the planet, while on vacation in Miami. In 1996, I was given the Royal National Institute for the Blind's (RNIB) honorary member award for surviving my first blind date. Fortunately he was dumb as well, and didn't notice when I slipped out of the restaurant mid course. In 1998, I was awarded the 1st Official Betty Ford Center "high stepper citation" for recognizing substance abuse issues on a first date within the record-breaking time of just fifteen minutes. In 2000, Starbucks gave me a free gift card rewarding me for the ability to learn everything I needed to know about a potential date in less time than it takes to make a Grande Mochachino. back to top